Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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