ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
