I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
