North Korea, Best Korea!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
