He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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