his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
