Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
