u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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