I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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