I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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