Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
