i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
