Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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