I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
