Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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