Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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