just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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