We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
