I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
