i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
