Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
