And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
