Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
