Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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