i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
