he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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