well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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