wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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