OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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