i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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