i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
