I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
