By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
