I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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