I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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