new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
