id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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