Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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