he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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