We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He better not be in your backpack
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
