Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
