I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
