So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
