I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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