I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize