im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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