Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
