woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
