I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
