I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
