Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
