Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
