Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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