You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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