Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
3 2 1 whiskey
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
