i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
