btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sarcasm needs its own font
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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