I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
