So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
