I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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