just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
