He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
