just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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