i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
