come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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