my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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