dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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