Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
