I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
