Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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