i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days