maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
