Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
