Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
