you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
PANTIES FOUND
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
