why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
